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After confirming this, it was a lot easier to just be blunt about who I was interested in.” For Ian, this way of coming out mercifully lacked the drama of making a formal announcement.“It’s a lot easier when it comes up in conversation or there is a reason to show your orientation,” he wrote.Landwirth had known he was gay for a while; he’d felt himself eyeing guys when he’d go out to bars in college. When he was finally ready to start meeting men, though, Landwirth had no idea where to start.

“When they started seeing other guys appearing on it, it was pretty obvious I wasn’t straight.

They rarely told me much that mattered about a person, anyway (if you aren’t attracted to someone, for instance, who cares if you are both into the same fan fiction? On Tinder, bios were often brief, sometimes just a few lines and a bunch of emoji — and I was fine with that. encourages us to play ‘hot or not’ and consider how attracted we are to someone’s profile,” says Allison Moon, a queer sex educator and the author of .

Everyone got a quick glance, and my only criteria was whom I felt attracted to. Do enough swiping, and sooner or later you start to develop a sense of what you like.

Landwirth had been single for two years after breaking up with his college girlfriend, a woman whom he loved but knew, deep down, that he couldn’t spend the rest of his life with.

“My biggest fear was that I was going to get married, have a family, have kids, and have this huge secret that would blow up and either end up destroying my entire family or destroying me,” he said.

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